A little bit like poetry

This is the stuff I need to get out of my head to sleep at night. I'm a high school senior girl, trying to come to terms that the world's not perfect and neither am I, but that there's nothing wrong with trying to change either of those things.

Not yet lovers, more than friends

Is that the way our story ends?

Why are you making this so difficult?

I told myself I was giving up on you. I told myself at least three times. And for a while I would. I’d stop worrying about who you were seeing up north, start laughing and flirting and blushing with the boys who were a little closer to my grasp, start wondering about my other options

And then

You would crash back into my life. And I remembered. I’m remembering. Remembering that the safest place I know is in your arms, that for some stupid reason I trust you and miss you and need you. Remembering that I miss talking to you about smart things and silly things and everything. Remembering that nothing’s changed, nothing at all in months and months.

Now I’m back to daydreaming about the future I know isn’t coming, but for some reason it’s not leaving my head. I’ll see you again, soon, and then-

Then I’ll know. Maybe.

Writing, actually just writing for the first time in weeks.

And it feels amazing.

Dear Future Boyfriend: Dear Future Boyfriend,

notestomyfutureboyfriend:

I’m scared, and insecure. I’m a mess, and nothing any “perfect” girl should be.
I want to chase and be chased. I want to flirt at every party we bumped into each other at. I want to be invited over and have to rush home in the morning because it shouldn’t be right.
I want it to be all sorts of…

rockwellraquel: absolutely gorgeous. my favorite artist, Andy Goldsworthy. I want to see this out my window. Lovely.

rockwellraquel:

absolutely gorgeous. my favorite artist, Andy Goldsworthy.

I want to see this out my window. Lovely.

All of you heinously lovely people, you saved me by surprise.

I told you the secrets I didn’t know I had, and something inside me

broke

And out came rage

And in rushed love

You showed me how beautiful humanity can be

And that gets me through the ugliness.

Some call it synthetic community.

We call it a step in the right direction.

You, who I trust beyond all others

Because you have seen my face scrubbed clean and my heart pouring forth

And you still say I am beautiful.

For a moment, I believe you

and in that moment, I shine.